A/N. No time - leaving for the cottage in an hour and am away for the next few days. I was overwhelmed and blown away by your reviews and I had to post this week because you were all so good.
Bips - just read yours this morning - will reply when I get back (ffnet ate up the one I composed) but you'll find the first part interesting.
I apologize in advance if in the first scene I messed up Harry's response to Ginny. You might need some visual earplugs.
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Chapter 13 - Woes of A Former Fangirl
For a split second Harry thought and hoped he misheard but there was no denying what Ginny said.
"You were with her when he was born," he repeated, stalling the upsurge of ugly emotions that were clawing their way out.
"Yes," she answered, recognition of his unfavourable reaction dawning upon her, "I can't believe this. You're upset at me. You're actually upset at me."
He met her disbelief with his own.
"Hugo is thirteen years old! You knew he was my son and you didn't tell me! Don't you think I have a reason to be upset?!"
"She asked me not to tell you!"
"And it didn't occur to you to say no to her?!"
"She didn't want you to know!"
"And I guess you did but just forgot to mention it to me!" he said sarcastically.
"I told her your son would hate you but it wasn't my decision to make!"
"It may not have been but you decided to keep mum about it! What was in it for you?! What did you ask of her in return?!"
Her word not to take me back? he thought it but pulled it in time before he said it.
"It wasn't like that!"
"Then tell me what it was like because I can't begin to understand what would possess you to think I wouldn't be upset about this, that you would think I'd feel relieved that all this time you knew he was mine and never said a word!"
"Hugo was her son, not mine! She hid him from you, I didn't! If you want to be upset with someone you should be upset with her! But you're not because you can see her doing this for you and yet you can't even stop for a second to think about what I've gone through much less wonder if I was doing it for the same reason she was!"
They were toe to toe, Ginny matching his anger pound for pound until that last point which seemed to have broken their spirits. He had no reply to what she just said. They seldom had charged arguments like this and most of them were from a long time ago, before and earlier on in their marriage when they were much younger and still trying to define how things were going to be between them. There were ones about Hermione when Ginny still had much to say about her.
"I can't believe this," she repeated, throwing her arms up in the air in exasperation, her tone quieter but shaky and still miffed, "You had the affair, you got her pregnant and somehow it's my fault she chose not to tell you about it."
Ginny turned from him with tears burning in her brown eyes and walked a few paces away while he buried his face in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. She had made her point and he felt even angrier at himself after. He had been so livid he did not think the thing through before lashing out at her.
She asked me not to tell you.
It would have taken a saint of a wife to not agree with Hermione. Ginny was not clueless. She had three young children at that time, one still in her arms, and was trying her best to salvage a marriage that was just rocked by infidelity. Hermione's proposal to hide Hugo was a break. It was really a no brainer. The alternative would have ruined her family beyond repair. And he could imagine her holding onto the secret, maybe not for him as she claimed, but for her and their children.
Harry looked back and found snippets of memories, Ginny telling him she needed time off from the kids to work or do errands, suggesting taking the kids over to Hermione's to play or inviting her, Rose and Hugo over. That one time Hugo fell off his toy broom and was brought to St. Mungo's she prodded him to stand in for Ron who was overseas and stay with Hermione and Hugo until their son was okay.
He thought those odd and at one point asked her why. She said she was just doing what their therapist, Dr. Hyde, had suggested, proving to him that she was over the incident, letting him know that she trusted him not to make the same mistake.
But he could see it differently now. Ginny never cared a hoot about what Dr. Hyde said. The whole thing was merely a convenient excuse. What it was really about was so his son could spend time with him and his siblings. It was so Hugo would have memories of his father as he was growing up and his father would have the same. Ginny, through the years, had done what she could so that today wouldn't be as bad as it could have been. And he just had to vent his frustration on her.
He walked over to where she was and said, "Look at me...please."
Her arms were folded across her chest, her jaw set and when she finally looked at him it was evident she was still quite pissed.
"I'm sorry. I'm a prick. I...I just lost it."
She nodded almost imperceptibly but he would take it.
Ginny said to him with a frown, "I know it's been difficult. Have you thought about what you're going to do?"
He was winging it.
"I have to fix this, Gin. I can't keep this a secret."
Harry tried to gauge what Ginny thought about it. He had learned through the years that with women, at least the two he had been most intimate with, it wasn't about what they said but how they said it. She uncrossed her arms and appeared relieved.
"I agree. He may not say it but Hugo needs you to set him free from having to live two identities. Have you told Ron?"
"He wasn't too pleased," he replied and told her about the exchange.
"I'll talk with him," she countered.
"And Rosie?"
"I suspect she already knows. I think that's where this acting out since the summer comes from."
It was then when Harry remembered the letter. He took it from his pocket and without preamble handed it to her.
Ginny took it, recognized her handwriting and stared at it briefly before setting it on her desk.
"Aren't you gonna open it?" Harry asked.
"Maybe later."
Despite appearances she wanted to read it right away. She just didn't want him around when she did.
"I want to tell kids first. They have to know before anyone else."
"I can be there if you want," she offered.
Harry hesitated, not expecting it. He just couldn't ask that of her. It wasn't because he was too proud but because it would yet again be another imposition. She must have read his mind.
"It's okay Harry. I want to be there unless you'd rather I'm not. The news would go over much better if I am."
He nodded, "Do you think they'll understand?"
"James maybe. I'm not so sure about Al and Lily. They might be sore at you for a while."
Harry accepted what could happen. He hoped 'a while' wouldn't be a very long time.
Ginny continued, "We probably should hold off telling anybody else until after the funeral. It will be a distraction."
It struck him how, in spite of everything, Ginny could think about Hermione's welfare. Admirable as they were, in a way her actions were quite unsettling. In their earlier argument, he suspected that what he had heard from her was just the tip of the iceberg, a mere glimpse of what was under the surface which she had been bottling up for a long time. It must have killed her to be in the same room with Hermione that day Hugo was born.
"Why were you there?"
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"When Hugo was born. Why were you with her?"
Ginny frowned and once again withdrew, "It was a long time ago, Harry and I'd really rather not talk about it."
He did not insist. She probably did not want to re live the memory. As much as he was curious he wasn't mean. Over the next few minutes they discussed the best way to gently break the news to their children.
It would not be easy but it was the right thing to do.
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Ron stormed out of the Potter house, slamming the door behind him.
Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.
Needing more air, he stomped across the garden and into the huge backyard. He took a broom from the shed then, recognizing it was Harry's, broke it into a gazillion pieces. As that wasn't enough he grabbed the next one and demolished it too. He rode the third broom and kicked off the ground aiming straight up the sky.
Wind in his face he drove up as high and as fast as he could, as if trying to shake off what he just found out and leave it behind.
At some point the broom shook violently and jarred him back to reality. He eased up a bit and came back to earth a couple of hundred feet before stopping. Coasting mid air he didn't even feel the tears steadily coming down his face as he thought of his ex-wife and what she had done.
Maybe he was mistaken. Maybe he didn't read it right. Steadying himself, he took out the letter again.
Dear Ron,
If you're reading this then it must mean I'm unable to speak or I'm not around anymore. Let me start by saying that in the thirty years I've known you you've been a wonderful friend, a great father and the best ex-husband anyone could ever hope for. You will forever hold a special place in my heart.
Rose is a young woman now and you will have your hands full with her before she becomes of age. She's fiercely independent and determined to find her own identity. Love her as you always have and trust your instincts. But if that fails, don't hesitate to find help (and I mean don't).
That brings me to Hugo. I don't think I've thanked you enough for stepping in as his Dad even though you knew he wasn't yours. You didn't have to but you did it out of the goodness of your heart. I know you love Hugo as much as you love Rose and I want you to keep him in mind as you read the rest of this letter.
You asked me once who Hugo's real father was and accepted my answer that he was a married man with whom we had no future with. That was the truth. I never told his father at that time because it was rather complicated but at some point I had to let him know. He knows now and by giving you my letter, he has decided to let you know. Harry is Hugo's father.
Don't bother hexing or causing him bodily harm. I figured that you'd lose your temper as soon as you read this so the second you opened the envelope you activated a spell that will protect him from you. The charm also prevents you from discussing with anyone other than Ginny matters pertaining to Hugo's paternity. I've set it to wear off in three days and I'm hoping you'd be calmer by then.
I know you're cursing me to hell for jinxing you but I had to do this, not so much for Harry as I know you will immediately conclude, but for Hugo. The last thing Hugo needs right now is to see the two of you fighting and it will be over nothing.
What happened isn't between you and Harry. We were no longer us when Harry and I lost our moral bearings. And while I understand how instinctively as her older brother you'd want to avenge the pain we've put her through, Ginny has already forgiven Harry for it. She has also known about Hugo for a long time.
It will be difficult but all I ask is that you do what's best for Hugo.
Take care Ron and kiss the kids for me.
Love,
Hermione
His mind was a mess of emotions. Wanting to tear it and keep it at the same time, he ripped the letter apart and shoved it into a pocket. It made sense now. If he had paid more attention then he probably would have picked up that Ginny and Hermione started drifting apart right around the time Lily was born when she and Harry were having difficulties. He was going through a lengthy wizard divorce process with Hermione the same time he automatically thought the strain between Ginny and her was because of him.
Only it wasn't because of him. He felt his face burn again. When his Dad said before how lucky their family was that he shared a compartment with Harry Potter on their first train ride to Hogwarts he obviously did not foresee this. Even he, who supposedly knew him because they were…were best friends did not foresee this. He and Hermione were the last people he would ever think would commit such a sin of the flesh!
The thought riled him up even more. So much for that 'she's like a sister to me' speech, the fucking liar! And he got away with it too. No one else knew of it and Ginny stayed with him all this time.
Even that he could not believe. Ginny had more spunk than to let him walk all over her like that. It wasn't fair. There were a different set of rules and justice for him just because he was Harry fucking Potter!
Since Ginny seemed to have accommodated him he was not inclined to do the same. He would give the bastard what he deserved!
With regards to his ex, the fact that Hermione chose not to tell him was understandable and as much as he should have been he could not bring himself to be angry at her. No wonder she was so adamant about going through the separation process even though she was pregnant and had accepted his offer to give Hugo his name. He had hoped then that she would change her mind about him once more, that she would take him back as she had time and time again.
She's like a sister to me…
His teenage jealous fits about her and Harry were not so baseless after all. At least Hermione never lied to him as blatantly as the scumbag did. Okay. Fine. Hermione never had to because he was too yellow to actually ask her the question.
Merlin! Rosie. She would be devastated…wait…that was it! That was what all the crazy behaviour was about; an act for her Mum because of what her Mum did in the past and the reason why all of a sudden Rosie had taken an avulsion to being like her. She must have found out last summer.
When word leaks out it would spread like poison, ruin relationships and mar the family's reputation, all because at eleven he was stupid enough to share a compartment with the asswipe!
Hugo. Hermione's son. Harry's son. Hermione was right in that he cared about the kid. In his mind and heart Hugo would always be his.
The pieces of parchment seared through his pocket.
…do what's best for Hugo.
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After Harry left for the meetings he refused to postpone,Ginny finally found herself alone in her study. She picked up the envelope bearing her name scribbled across in Hermione's neat writing. Hermione had predictably left a letter, hopefully not another apology.
She unsealed, read it and wasn't disappointed.
Ginny,
No more lies and no more apologies. I appreciate what you've done for us over the years and I know you'll take good care of my boy. Thank you.
Hermione
P.S. He will need your help with Ron
He…Harry. It wouldn't be her if she didn't think about him. Ginny stopped, thinking about what Hermione wrote…no more apologies.
She remembered when she first suspected that Hermione cared about Harry more than just a friend. It was the night Hermione came back from training with the Hag. They had gone out to celebrate her Harpies appointment and it turned into something else. They were best friends, she had stupidly broken up with the man she loved two months before and Hermione was pointing out what an idiot she was.
"You have to talk to him," Hermione said to her for the umpteenth time.
For the umpteenth time, she answered, "How do you talk to someone who doesn't talk?"
"But Harry talks," then Hermione turned to Jessie who was sitting beside her, "Right?"
Jessie confirmed over her 2nd glass of rum cola, "I've definitely heard him talk."
"You know what I mean."
"Not exactly," Hermione replied, setting her almost finished screwdriver aside.
"He talks but not about important things," she tried to explain, "And it's not that he's shallow or superficial, he just doesn't open up to me."
"Ginny…"
"And it's not that I haven't tried. I mean, I've already told him my frustration and he said he'd try but whenever we get to serious stuff he just clams up on me. And I don't get that. Is it me? He shares stuff with you."
"No, he doesn't," Hermione immediately denied.
"He told you what happened in the forest with Voldemort. He values your opinion about stuff at work..."
"But that's different."
"That's the thing. He doesn't even want to talk to me about work. It's Hogwarts all over again. He's treating me like his 16 year old girlfriend who's too precious to taint with bad news or take with him to fight evil."
"That's because he cares about you."
"I'm just a girl to him, someone who looks pretty enough to be seen in public with. I'm just someone he can come home to at the end the day, snog senseless and have amazing sex with."
"I already told her she shouldn't complain about that," Jessie interjected and said to a passing waitress, "Can I get another rum cola please? And two more screwdrivers."
"I wanted to be more for him but all he wanted was a shag-worthy girlfriend. So I had it and I broke up with him."
"What exactly did you say to him?" Hermione asked.
"That we weren't growing as a couple and that we could only do that if he would treat me more like an 'emotional' partner."
"'Emotional' partner?"
"As opposed to a physical one."
"And what did he say?"
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"I told you he doesn't like to talk. It was as if he was relieved I broke up with him."
"You definitely read him wrong. That doesn't sound like Harry," Hermione was unconvinced.
"And when I heard his answer I had to walk away."
"She cried for an entire week, moaning she wanted him back," Jessie reported, her speech slurred and loud their approaching server probably heard.
"I did not. And it was more like 5 ½ days," Ginny corrected as the waitress smiled at her while setting her drink down, "And the fact that he started dating that bimbo from Accounting before trying to patch things up with me just proves that he doesn't love me."
"I wouldn't go that far," Hermione tried to make her feel better, "Harry cares about you. He must have a perfectly good reason for all this."
They both cast a sideways glance at Jessie who just set her head on the table.
"Will you stop defending him? You're supposed to be on my side here," Ginny reminded her, showing a bit of irritation.
"Sorry," Hermione apologized, and then asked about her roommate, "Is she okay?'
Jessie was passed out and snoring softly. Ginny had seen Jessie do this before.
"Yeah. She will be in the morning."
Hermione continued, "But you really should talk to him. Harry is Harry. You're right, he's not shallow but he's not the type who wears his heart on a sleeve or mouths off about his every emotion or thought. And asking him to change by breaking up with him is the worse thing that you can do. He doesn't like to be threatened."
"So you're telling me that I should just accept the fact that he won't ever talk to me about the meaning of life or about details of what he went through with Voldemort or about those horrible nightmares he keeps waking up from in the middle of the night."
"I don't know. I just know that you shouldn't have broken up with him because of that one thing. Harry is a great guy, you're his first real girlfriend and he has a lot to learn about being in a relationship."
"What would you do if you were me?"
"Make up with him. Give it another shot."
"I can't."
"Sure you can. It's easy. You just meet with him and tell him you want to try again. You can tell I have lots of experience with this sort of thing," Hermione alluded to her on-again-off-again relationship with Ron which was currently off, "And I hear only good things about make-up sex."
"Really, I can't. Not even for the make-up sex. Then he'll think I'm okay with it even if he doesn't change. He won't ever change and I'll forever be just his fangirl sex thing."
"Don't you want him back?"
"Of course I want him back but I want him to make the first move," she sighed a bit annoyed at the desperation in her voice. But this was Hermione she was talking to. She could be totally honest, "I want him to come back. If he cares about me why doesn't he come back?"
"Don't you see it? It's the same on his end. If he comes back then you win and he's thinking you'll think it's going to be okay to threaten him the next time you want him to do something he doesn't want to do."
"What am I going to do?"
"We'll think of something."
Ginny could tell that Hermione was already plotting as her friend drank her screwdriver bottoms up.
"Bimbos are lining up to go out with him and have sex with him as we speak, camping out outside the Ministry, spilling into the streets," she exaggerated.
"Can't say I blame them. If I wasn't your friend and didn't know Harry I'd be lining up."
They both froze as soon as Hermione finished talking.
"Sorry," she mumbled, embarrassed, her deep blush evident even with the dim lighting, "I said that out loud, didn't I?"
Ginny tried her best to brush off memories of Harry and Hermione talking the way she had hoped she and Harry eventually would.
"It's that bloody Hag," Hermione complained bitterly, attempting to change the subject, "I have no filters left."
The Hag. The training. The Hag and the training Harry never talked to her about either.
"Don't worry. I think I have it. Leave it to me and you'll be back together in no time."
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A/N. Ginny's woes…believable?