Moments
Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these. I became completely aware of this fact five years ago when I turned to my fiancée in the middle of our rehearsal dinner and rather loudly announced that I couldn't marry him because I was quite irrevocably in love with someone else, his, our, best friend.
It was one of those moments that you expect to see played out in some romantic movie. I heard him laugh and looked up to see that crooked grin of his flash across his face, Harry had had precious little to smile about through most of the years that I'd known him. More often than not I had watched his face erupt in anger, horror, confusion or sadness, to see him smile was truly a rarity. And so I counted it as one of my personal pleasures to see a smile break across his face. So when I heard the distinctive ringing cord of his laughter I turned away from my half hearted listening of Ron explaining the premise of Quidditch to my father. I twisted around in my seat and allowed my eyes to search for my best friend. As they came to rest on him I was assaulted by a memory from a year before.
It had taken place during what should have been our 7th year at Hogwarts. Instead of being shut away in a classroom or the library fretting over our upcoming N.E.W.T.S. or making plans for the swiftly approaching holiday we were traipsing around the countryside searching out bits of a maniacal Dark Lord's soul. It was during the time that Ron had left us, when it was just Harry and I. We'd been to Godric's Hollow and aside from being nearly murdered by Voldemort's pet snake we had run across some rather disturbing news about Dumbledore and his past. Harry had come to the conclusion that he had been misguided to place his faith in Dumbledore. He thought that he had been foolish to believe that the man he had come to view as both a mentor and a friend had cared for him as anything more than a means to an end. I tried to convince him otherwise but he was of a mind to brood and as politely as he could, sent me off to bed.
I didn't want to leave him in such a state but I'd known Harry long enough to understand when to push and when not to push so instead of arguing the point I walked away. And though I knew he wanted to be alone I couldn't walk away from him without letting him know that I was there, that he wasn't alone, that I cared even if no one else did. As I passed by him I lightly brushed my hand across the top of his head. He closed his eyes at the feel of my hand and an agonized expressed touched his features, watching him as I retreated to the inner recesses of our tent I would have given anything to take away his pain. I remembered the moment when Ron had announced he was leaving when he had turned to me and asked me if I was leaving or staying. I hesitated, not because I was unsure of my answer, but because I was not certain of how to say what needed saying to Ron. I could not, would not leave Harry… I had promised him I would be with him no matter what and it was not a promise I intended to break.
Coming back to myself in the midst of my own rehearsal dinner I realized that the jitters I had been feeling for weeks were more than mere nerves. It was my heart telling my head what it had known for years, I was in love with Harry Potter and marrying Ron, as much as I cared for him would mean walking away from Harry and that was something I could never, would never do. It felt like ten lifetimes that I sat there twisting my engagement ring round and round on my finger trying to pluck up the courage to say what I needed to say. It felt like ages but it was hardly more than a minute or two.
I called Ron's name needing to get the words out of my mouth before my courage failed me. But as Ron was expounding on one of his favorite topics to a captive and interested audience I had to raise my voice to get his attention. The urgency in my tone must have frightened him because the look on his face when he turned round was one of concern. As he opened his mouth to ask what was the matter, I wrenched the ring from my finger and handed it back to Ron apologizing profusely as I did so. His concern turned to confusion as he looked down at the ring in his hand and back up at my face. I couldn't let him speak if I did I was certain I'd lose my nerve. So I shut my eyes and spoke my truth to him; I'm so sorry Ron, but I can't marry you, I'm in love with Harry.
My words were greeted by a sharp intake of breath in the oddly quiet room. It was this that made me aware of the fact that we were on display. It seemed that when I'd raised my voice to get Ron's attention I raised it enough to draw the notice of everyone in the room. Upon realizing that my declaration to Ron had turned into a public spectacle my eyes were once again drawn across the room, away from the man who's heart I had just broken to Harry. His arm was loosely draped about Ginny's waist, resting on her hip in an intimately, possessive sort of way, she was leaning into him, her hands covetously gripping his chest wrinkling his crisp white shirt. All the traces of laughter had been wiped from his face. His eyes were riveted to mine and for the briefest instant it was as though I could hear his thoughts… Hermione's in love with me? My gaze never left his face as I apologized for the second time. I hoped he understood that I was apologizing for the unnecessary pain I was causing him and not for the way I felt. That said I turned and rushed from the hall.
Having apparated from the alley behind the hall I was safely ensconced within the confines of my flat before the tears began to fall. I had just walked away from the life I had told myself I wanted for the past three years because I was in love with a man that I would never have and was likely never to see again considering the fact that he was all but engaged to the sister of my former fiancée. The flood of tears obscured my sight and my knees gave way at the thought of my having lost any chance of Harry being a part of my existence.
I was prepared to allow my grief to consume me but before I could unreservedly give myself over to my own self pity I felt a familiar pair of arms locking about my waist supporting me, pulling me close. His voice sounded in my ear telling me that he was there and that everything would be just fine the world seemed to right itself immediately in response. I could not fathom what his presence there with me, in that moment, after what I had just done must be costing him, but when I tried to send him away back to the Burrow, back to her, he wouldn't go. He said I had never left him when he needed me and so he would not leave me when I needed him either. It was in that moment that both our lives changed quite completely and profoundly.
"Hermione?"
At the sound of Harry's questioning voice Hermione pulled herself from her wandering thoughts and turned to look at her husband. He was standing in the doorway of the kitchen undoing his scarlet auror's robes. A vague look of concern hung about his face as he shrugged out of his robes and tossed them carelessly onto the back of one of the chairs arranged in the breakfast nook and strode into the room.
"Are you all right?"
Hermione smiled at the slightly worried edge to his words and nodding her head replied.
"I'm fine."
Harry frowned and come to a stop before as he asked.
"If you're fine then why are you crying?"
As he spoke Harry raised his hands and gently wiped away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. Not realizing that she had crying Hermione reached up and grasping Harry's hands planted a kiss in each of his palms and then wrapping his arms about her waist answered his query.
"I'm not upset if that's what you're thinking. I was just remembering a moment in a tent."
She paused a moment and waited for the question she knew would be coming. His hold became a bit tighter as he spoke.
"A moment in a tent… am I supposed to know what that means."
Hermione shook her head and said.
"It means that I love you."
Harry leaned back a bit and cocked his head to the side. Looking down into eyes he knew as well as his own he answered in a somewhat amused voice.
"Remembering a moment in tent gets you wailing and means that you love me…have you been lacing your tea with my fire whiskey woman?"
Hermione giggled and shook her head again. She then wrapped her arms around Harry's neck and emphatically declared.
"I love you Harry Potter!"
Catching the note of sincere passion in his wife's voice Harry replied in an equally ardent tone.
"And I love you Hermione Potter!"
Lowering his head he gently brushed his lips against hers. Just as their lips met a call drifted from overhead down to their ears.
"Mummy!"
Hermione took a step back from her husband and said.
"Ah, our son has woken from his nap. I'd better get him before his shouting wakes the baby."
As she made for the doorway Harry caught her about the waist and steered her back towards where she had been perched at the kitchen counter.
"I'll tend to Jamey you sit and finish your tea."
Harry held his hand over her cup and brought her tea back to a drinkable temperature. He then placed a kiss to her forehead and admonished.
"And think happy thoughts, I'll have no more bawling out of you."
He turned and rushed out of the room at the exact moment that Jamey's voice called out a second time. Hermione smiled as she watched Harry disappear around the edge of the door frame and mused to herself how immensely glad she was to have had that one fleeting moment in a tent.
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A/N: All right I've revised this and come up with what I hope is a much better ending. For those who haven't read the first version, this is just one of those ideas that got stuck in my head and wouldn't go away until I got something down on paper. Reviews are greatly welcomed and deeply appreciated.
And for any interested quote devotees the bit at the beginning about moments is an actual quote from Susan B. Anthony.
"Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory unannounced, stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit and simply never leave. Our lives are measured by these."
Happy Reading… Searcy
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