You would think that I would have a quiet ride back to London on the Hogwarts Express given the happenings of the past week: Malfoy and Snape are gone, and the students are still in a state of shock on the eve of Professor Dumbledore's funeral. I mean, what else could happen?
As soon as those thoughts passed through my addled brain, I knew I would regret even mentally posing such a question. I was proven correct after no more than five minutes from our departure from Hogsmeade.
** Flashback **
I sat across from Hermione and Ron as the train pulled away from Hogsmeade station. I stared out the window at the flashing countryside as the locomotive began picking up speed. I heard Ron let out an uneasy breath before he addressed me.
"Harry?"
I continued to gaze out the window and answered only with a questioning, "Hmm?"
"Harry, I really need to talk to you." I turned myself to face him, as did Hermione, although Hermione had a much more inquisitive look on her face than I. "Harry, I…I need to come clean about something I was doing this year." I had a feeling that I knew where this was leading. "I…I've been dosing you with potions all term; all year really."
Hermione was instantly on her guard, as would I, had I not known already. "What kind of potions of have you been slipping him?"
"L…Love potions-keyed to Ginny."
I just drew another deep breath and turned my attention back to the window as my two friends engaged in verbal warfare. Why should I listen to them when I can predict the entire exchange perfectly in my mind? The verbal jabbing continues for several minutes until I feel someone sit next to me in the seat. I turn around and see that Ron has left and Hermione has moved to my side of the compartment with tears flowing down her cheeks. She looked torn between worry over me and her own sadness.
"Are you okay Harry?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied as I placed my forehead against the window once again.
"HOW CAN YOU BE FINE WITH WHAT HE DID TO YOU? WHAT HE DID TO US? TO GINNY?" she yelled.
I placed my hand over hers to calm her down a bit. "Because I pretty much suspected what he just admitted to. I take it he admitted to doing it to you and Ginny as well." With her eyes downcast, she nodded solemnly. I placed a curled finger under her chin and lifted it. "I'm sorry he involved you in it too. I had suspicions, but I didn't want to say anything without some sort of hard evidence."
She nodded again, this time in understanding. "But Harry, how did you know?"
"Well, I was a little suspicious after I started getting some violent urges toward Dean and some very possessive feelings toward Ginny in the weeks following our first potions class. My feelings matched exactly your descriptions in class of what the potion did." Hermione tried to hide the small smile and blush from her face. I gave a slight chuckle. "Well, between that, and one morning when I started having those kinds of sudden urges for Ron one morning. I REALLY knew something was amiss then. I'm just glad it happened the day after a quidditch match. If we'd had practice that week, I probably would've jumped him in the changing room." Hermione gave a quick snort of laughter before covering up her mouth to hide her mirth at my predicament.
"If you knew about it, Harry, why did you let it go on?" she asked seriously after settling a bit.
I looked upon her with my heart in my eyes, hoping that she would catch the hidden meaning in my words without me having to say it explicitly, "Hermione, have you ever loved someone with all your heart knowing that you would never have a chance with them because you were sure they liked someone else? With that being the case, why would I want to stop it?" Still facing her, I pulled my hands away into my lap and lowered my head. Teardrops fell from my eyes and onto my hands as the guilt and sadness of it all overwhelmed me. I took in another deep breath before continuing. "Why would I want to end it knowing that I was soon to be killed or become a murderer? For the first time ever in my life, I knew what it felt like to feel loved by someone, even if it was a lie," I whispered.
Hermione gasped in surprise before recovering. She pulled me to her in a very tight embrace, rocking me as I cried heavily into her shoulder as fought with my own body to breathe. She stroked the back of my head, running her small fingers through my hair. I could feel her tears on my cheek where our faces were stuck together "You ARE loved, Harry. You are because I love you."
If there was anything that could have surprised me, that was it. I said nothing but reached around behind her back and pulled her close; just relishing the feeling of being held.
Our grip on each other lessened as the minutes rolled by, but neither of us seemed anxious to move. Hermione eventually pulled away and brought me back to reality.
"Harry?"
"Hmmm?"
"Can we just pretend this last year never happened?"
"I dunno. What about it are you wanting to forget?" I asked.
"Well, the posh that went on between us mostly. We both were a bit out of sorts last year. And the way the summer went was definitely not in my plans. As a matter of fact, I wasn't planning on going to the Burrow at all last summer."
"What did you have planned then?"
"I wanted you to come spend the summer with me. My parents already told me that we weren't going anywhere this time, and I had already gotten permission from them and Professor Dumbledore for you to stay. He changed plans at the last minute when he got a tip that my house was the Death Eater's next target..."
"Hermione, I'm so, so sorry about that…" Hermione cut me off as abruptly as I had done to her.
"Harry, it wasn't your fault. You had nothing to do with it. I was hoping to spend a quiet, normal summer with you. I wanted to tell you that I loved you as… as more than a friend." My face had to have been flushed because I felt suddenly warm and had the biggest smile plastered on my face. "Well, next thing I know is that we both end up at the Burrow followed by Ron trying to tinker in my love life or lack thereof. I mean, why would he-" I cut her off again with a finger over her soft lips.
I pulled her closer and kissed her on the cheek and pulled her the rest of the way as I buried my face in her chestnut mane. "Thank you," I whispered into her ear and kissed it softly. I felt her shiver in response, and she placed her hands to my chest. She pushed herself back slightly to look at me directly.
"Now that we're back in our right minds again, what do you we do? I mean, I still love you, and you say you love me…"
"I do." I answered nervously.
"So where do we go from here?"
I pulled and let out a deep breath, "I'm not exactly sure. If you still want to be a couple," she nodded encouragingly with a wide smile, "then I think we should go slowly. There's still a lot that needs to be settled." Hermione nodded again but with much less enthusiasm then bowed her head. I put my hand to her cheek to have her look at me, "Hermione, everything will be fine. If there is one thing that I am sure of, it's that I love you."
And with that, I pulled her into our first real kiss. We were both very tentative at first. For my part I didn't want to push too hard as we took our first steps, but my hands seemed to moving of the own volition as one wrapped itself in her hair as the other continued to stroke her cheek softly. The torrent of emotions and adrenaline was rapidly breaking down the dam that held them. When she opened her mouth to me and took a gasping, moaning breath, I began to timidly explore her. All thought was lost though when she took a firm grip of my head and crashed my lips into hers and kissed me with reckless abandon. A rush of sensations and emotions washed over me in a way that I had never experienced: My blood felt like it was on fire and my fingers felt like the flames were licking them. My muscles felt like they tight cords, and my internal organs felt like they had turned to mush as we continued on.
I only managed to take conscious control again when I realized that my hands had traveled to places they shouldn't be; although I did take notice that hers had done the same. I pushed away to gaze upon her. I was pretty sure that we were sporting identical red-faced smiles. I finally managed to choke out, "I think we should stop here for the time being."
After clearing her throat, she answered apprehensively, "Agreed."
We examined each with new eyes and light caresses for short time before settling into a comfortable position.
** End Flashback **
And that's where I am now. I am just sitting quietly on the train with my back against the wall by the door and her lying back against my chest-both of us watching the landscape pass in the window. We're on our way back to London for what will probably be the final time. In my arms, I hold the girl-no, woman-that I've loved in one way or another for almost as long as I can remember. Other than Voldemort, Death Eaters, and horcruxes, I'm not sure what the future holds. I just know that I'm going into it with an old and dear friend that's given me a new lease and outlook on life and a new reason to live.
--Fin.
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