Summary: This story is based on the song "How do I get there" by Deana Carter. One shot. Hermione makes a stunning revelation the week before the Christmas Dance is to occur. But the person she loves…seems to be in love with someone else. Just a warm, fuzzy, Christmas story!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
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How Do I Get There?
We've always been the best of friends
No secrets and no demands
Hermione strolled down the hall of Hogwarts. She was patrolling, trying to catch anyone out of bed after curfew. She
rather enjoyed being Head Girl; she knew that she definitely deserved it. She had thought that maybe Harry would be
Head Boy, but Dumbledore chose Justin Finch Fletchly.
Hermione didn't really mind. Justin was nice and took his share of the workload. They rotated days on which they would patrol, and tonight was her night.
She decided to make her way up to the Astronomy Tower, taking full advantage of being able to be up after dark, to do some star gazing.
It was a blissful night, the stars were shining brightly and the moon was in complete view, illuminating the lake below. The light bounced off it, creating shapes that had no particular pattern.
Hermione looked around and took a deep breath of the cool night air. She started to shiver from the cold, reprimanding herself about leaving her cloak in her dorm room. She leaned on the edge, trying to think about her life, putting in perspective everything that had happened this year.
Voldemort was still out there, but had not been a threat lately. Of course this unnerved Hermione, but she figured that everyone should just take pleasure in the calm before the storm.
She was enjoying her seventh year so far. Her grades were wonderful, as usual. She was on good terms with all her teachers, and to her surprise Professor Snape had actually died down on all the harassment he usually dealt out to her and her fellow Gryffindors. She figured that had to do with his obvious dealings with Voldemort and having to report to Dumbledore. He had more important things to worry about than "irresponsible Gryffindors."
Hermione peered over the railing and her eyes caught movement near the side of Hogwarts tower. Figuring it was probably a first year, or a couple trying to have a late night make-out session, she made her way down.
Stepping out into the cold night air sent a shiver up her spine, but Hermione shook it off. She had a responsibility and now was not the time to dwell on her ignorance.
Walking briskly across the lawn, she made her way over to where she saw the figures standing. As she neared, she could hear the muffled sounds of what seemed to be two people talking. She got closer and suddenly stopped. The one voice was all too familiar.
"I just don't understand what you want me to do!" the voice said from behind the wall.
Hermione immediately recognized it as the voice of her black haired, green eyed, best friend of seven years, Harry Potter. She was about to step out and reprimand him for being out on the grounds after curfew, especially when there is a dark wizard out to kill him, when she heard the person he was talking to speak.
"Harry, you have to stop being friends with her!" the unmistakable voice of Harry's girlfriend of one year, Lavender Brown, stated.
"I will not do that Lavender and you have no right to ask me to!" Harry answered back.
Hermione wondered who they were talking about, but she had an idea. Recently Harry had been spending a lot of time with her because he needed to increase his grades in Potions. They worked mostly every night and late into the evening, and Lavender had made it a point, several times, that she was not at all happy that Harry was neglecting her to spend time with Hermione. Hermione really didn't care, her and Harry were just best friends, and if she couldn't trust Harry than she shouldn't even be his girlfriend anyway.
"I'm not asking! I'm telling!" Lavender shouted back.
Hermione eased her way closer, feeling bad for prying into their conversation, but she just didn't want to jump into it at the moment. She had to admit, she did want to know how Harry was going to answer.
"Well, if that's how you feel Lavender, than I'm sorry, but I am not under any circumstances ending my friendship with Hermione. We haven't done anything!"
Hermione smiled a little at Harry's comment. She listened again as Harry continued to try and knock some sense into Lavender.
"She is my best friend for Godric's sake! Can't you get that! I don't feel anything for her, or I would be with her. I am with you and only you! Don't you trust me?" Harry shouted back exasperated.
Hermione's face seemed to fall at that comment and she didn't know why. She knew that her and Harry were best friends, but the way he just said it out loud, declaring he had no feelings in that way toward her, just seemed to hit her full force. Given, she had thought about Harry like that, quite a few times actually, but she never really saw anything from it. She just thought it was a natural reaction. She was a girl and it would be hard to miss Harry, who had grown into quite a handsome man over the years. She would have to be blind to not feel some sort of attraction to him. She loved him, but only as a brother….right?
"Fine, if you won't chose me over her than I see where your priorities lie! We're through Harry! I don't ever want to speak to you again!" Lavender huffed.
Hermione heard the shuffle of feet and footsteps on the grass and darted against the wall. She watched Lavender walk toward the front door and Harry call out, "Lavender!", but she ignored him and continued to venture into the school and out of sight.
Hermione turned and watched Harry. He had now turned to look out across the lake. He walked closer to the edge, picked up a rock, and threw it full force into the water, causing the water to splash up and ripple. He then ran a hand through his hand, gave a loud sigh, and plopped down on the grass. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head in between them.
Hermione felt so bad for Harry. How could Lavender do this to him, Hermione thought. She didn't know if she should make her presence known, but one look at Harry told her that she had to comfort her best friend.
Hermione walked out from behind the wall and made her way over to Harry as quietly as possible. She reached him and laid a hand on his shoulder. This caused him to jump back and look up startled.
"Hermione?" Harry asked with a confused look etched upon his face.
"Hey Harry," Hermione said as she sat down on the grass beside him.
"What are you doing here?" Harry asked. He turned his gaze back to the water and proceeded to pick up another rock and throw it into the water.
"I was out patrolling and I saw people out here. I came to investigate. I saw you and…" for some reason Hermione couldn't bring herself to say Lavender's name out loud.
"So you heard?" Harry asked as he continued throwing rocks in the water.
"Yeah,"Hermione said. She didn't really know what to say. "I'm sorry. I'm sure she'll come around."
"Can you believe she asked me that? I mean, like I would really stop being friends with you just because she has some suspicions. I mean, you're my best friend! Doesn't she get that?" Harry stated and again Hermione felt her heart drop.
She stared at her best friend for a moment. She thought about the way he combs his hand through his hair when he is frustrated or rubs his nose where his glasses lay when he is confused. She knew every line that seemed to form on his face and even the thoughts that seemed to run through his head. As she studied him, everything seemed to click into place. Here she was, feeling down that Harry wouldn't even think of her in a romantic way when she shouldn't even care. She found herself feeling happy that Harry and Lavender were broken up and hoped that when she said "she'll come around" that it was a lie. She remembered when Lavender and Harry had first got together; she never really liked the idea. She felt a sting in her stomach when she saw them together. Oh god, Hermione thought, I'm…gulp…I'm in love with my best friend!
But suddenly from out of the blue
I see a different light around you
When she finally said the words aloud in her head, it all just seemed right. Everything seemed to click into place. She was drawn from her thoughts when she caught movement in front of her eyes.
"Hermione, you in there?" Harry asked while waving his hand in front of her face.
"Yeah, sorry,"Hermione admitted. She turned to look out at the lake. She couldn't look at Harry. She didn't know if she would ever have the guts again. For some reason she just had this urge to grab him and kiss him senseless, but on the other hand she wanted to run back inside, curl up into a ball, and never see the light of day again.
One thing I haven't told you,
I just want to hold you
And never let go,
I just want to know
Hermione knew that there was no way she would be able to tell Harry. She couldn't! It would change everything and anything about their relationship and she didn't want to risk it. Having Harry as a best friend was better than no Harry at all. She just had to suck it up and hopefully the feeling would go away.
But the more she thought about it, the more she knew that she couldn't keep it inside. She knew in her heart that this feeling wasn't just going to go away. She had to tell him, needed to tell him and the sooner, the better….but the one question was how?
How do I get there from here
How do I make you see
How do I tell you what my heart's been tellin' me
Lost in your lovin' arms
that's where I want to be
You know I love you
How do I get there
"You zoned out on me for awhile there. Are you ok?" Harry asked.
"Yes, yes, sorry…I was just thinking,"Hermione answered with her eyes downcast.
Hermione could feel Harry moving beside her, and then felt a hand under her chin, turning it to the one place she didn't want to look. She kept her eyes down and allowed Harry to move her chin without resistance.
"Hermione, look at me,"Harry said.
Hermione reluctantly looked up and felt like she had just fallen from Heaven. Those eyes seemed to burn into her like the sun burns into an ant through a magnifying glass. She couldn't concentrate, think, she barely remembered to breathe. She felt the pace of her heart quicken, her breathing became irregular, and any doubts she had were washed away. She was in love with Harry Potter, the bloody boy who lived, her wonderful, famous, best friend of seven years. Best friend! There was that word again, but she wasn't going to let that stop her. She had to say something. If I don't I might regret it someday, Hermione thought.
She was again, pulled from her thoughts when Harry started to talk.
"Hermione, something is bothering you. Whatever it is, you can tell me. You have been there with me through so much, and I can be there for you also,"
Harry's words were like sun on a gloomy day. Hermione's confidence grew and she thought, now or never.
"Harry,"Hermione began. She took a deep breath and gathered her courage to look into Harry's eyes while she said this. "We have known each other for seven years. We have been together, through thick and thin, and I know we will always be here for each other no matter what. You have helped me open up, be more of myself, and there isn't enough words to express my gratitude. I have watched you at the highest points of your life, like becoming the youngest seeker in Hogwarts history and catching the snitch your very first game, and I have also been there through you low points, such as Cedric and Sirius's deaths. I have watched you grow from the innocent, naïve boy you were at eleven, into a healthy, strong, and confident young man," Hermione took a breath and continued to stare at Harry, who during this whole time had not yet looked away.
Continuing, Hermione said, "I know that I wouldn't have made it through school if it wasn't for you. You have shown me how to live, Harry. You have shown me what life is like and what really matters. Not fame or money, but life, family, friendship, and most importantly, love. I know you always thought that you couldn't love someone else because you don't know what love is, but you do Harry, you do! You show it everyday to me, to Ron, to the whole Weasley family, to Hagrid, to everyone, and you don't expect anything in return. But you get it. You have love from all of us and I guess what I am trying to say Harry is that, I love you. I am in love with you and have been for so long now I can't remember when I didn't love you, I just didn't realize it until now. You are like my rock, my light that can't burn out! I love you Harry Potter, probably more than you will ever know!"
You probably think I've lost my mind
Takin' this chance crossin' that line
But I promise to be truer than true
Dreaming every night with these arms around you
I can't wait any longer this feeling's gettin' stronger
help me find a way
Hermione sat back and watched Harry's reaction. His face was even, showing no emotion what-so-ever. Hermione took a deep breath, her heart pounding with anxiety.
Harry then finally broke the gaze and looked out at the water. He turned back to Hermione and stared at her again. "Thank you," Harry breathed after a long moment of silence. "I love you too Hermione and you have been there for me too."
Hermione began to smile when she heard one word that seemed to shatter her heart. "But," Harry began. "I just can't give you want. I love you, but I'm not in love with you."
Hermione couldn't hold back the tears that ran down her face. She didn't want to hear anymore. She took a chance and she suffered the consequences of that risk. Her heart was now lying at the bottom of her chest, never to be repaired again. She lifted herself up off the ground and Harry turned to stare at her. Hermione could see the anguish in his face, but she couldn't be here anymore. She had to leave before she fell down and was never able to get back up.
She dusted off her robes and looked back to Harry. He was still sitting there looking up at her. She opened her mouth, wanting to yell and scream, but she couldn't. She said one sentence that seemed to justify the way she was feeling at the moment. She looked Harry straight in the eyes, her tears still flowing like rivers down her cheeks, and said quietly, "My light has just gone out!"
With that, she turned and bolted for Hogwarts, never stopping until she made it to her dorm room. She flung herself on her bed, and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.
How do I get there from here
How do I make you see
How do I tell you what my heart's been tellin' me
Lost in your lovin' arms
that's where I want to be
You know I love you
How do I get there
The next week was torment to Hermione. She avoided Harry at all costs. He made attempts to try and talk to her, but she just didn't want to deal with him. She was glad it was Christmas vacation, so she didn't have to deal with seeing him in classes. She made it a point to eat breakfast early and dinner late. She rarely came out of her room, other than to perform her Head Girl duties or head to the library to complete some studying. Harry had tried to corner her there a few times, but she always found a way to get out. She ceased their studying together, sending him a note that said he needed to find another tutor, she was just too busy.
Saturday rolled around fairly quickly, and to Hermione's total disgust, it was the night of the Christmas ball. She was not going, she refused to go. She knew Harry would be there with Lavender.
Tonight she was suppose to have off of her Head Girl duties, but Justin had come to Hermione earlier that day saying he was going to the ball and if she would switch with him since she wasn't going. She had agreed and now here she was, patrolling the halls of Hogwarts. She made it a point to stay as far away from the Great Hall as possible. The sound of loud music and laughter made Hermione want to gag. She just wanted to wallow in her own self pity for awhile. She wanted to know why good things never seemed to happen to her.
She made her way up to the Astronomy Tower. She needed a bit of fresh air and she knew no one would be up there to bother her.
She pushed open the door and walked over to the ledge. She gazed at the sky and sighed loudly. The stars were so bright and they were twinkling. Hermione felt the breeze against her skin and reveled in the calm, relaxing feel it gave off. She let her worries go free and cleared her mind. She didn't want to think, she wanted to escape, even if it was just for an hour or two.
She leaned over the edge and she could see a few couples sitting out beside the lake. It brought back terrible memories and Hermione hit her fist against the railing. "What is so wrong with me? Please, can't someone love me for once?" Hermione shouted to the wind.
Suddenly a movement in the corner startled her and she jumped back. The figure moved out of the shadows and Hermione gasped. There stood the one person she desperately wanted to see, yet wanted to avoid all together.
"What are you doing here, Harry?" Hermione asked. He was clad in his tuxedo, his hair was still unruly, but she could see his piercing, emerald, eyes from behind his glasses and she made it a point not to look into them directly. She wondered why he was not at the dance; he was sure dressed for the occasion.
"Hermione, I've been trying all week to talk to you,"Harry finally said as he moved to stand right beside her. Hermione took a couple steps back, not trusting herself to be this close to the man she loved and despised all at once.
"I know, but haven't you gotten a clue. I don't want to be around you," Hermione said as she turned to look back up at the stars. She folded her arms across her chest and said, "Now, can you please leave me alone?"
She didn't hear any movement and she knew Harry was still standing there, but she couldn't make herself look. Tears began to run down her cheeks and she fought hard to control them.
"No, Hermione, I can't leave you alone, at least not yet. Can you at least here what I have to say?" Harry said and Hermione could now tell he was directly behind her.
"Fine," she said not turning to face him.
"Hermione, that night, when you told me how you felt, I was taken aback. I never expected to hear those words from anyone, let alone you. You have always been my constant, my shoulder to lean on when things got tough. You have always been there no matter what and I couldn't thank you enough. When I was with Lavender, I thought things were good, but then I came to realize this week, that I just don't want good, I want great. I want that one person who will make me smile every morning just thinking about them, or I will begin to hum her favorite tune just because she is on my mind. I want that one person who will kiss me goodnight and good morning no matter what the day brought. I want that person to love me with no restrictions, boundaries, without hesitation or second thoughts. I want that person to accept me for who I am, Harry James Potter, and most importantly…" Harry said as he moved to turn to Hermione. He was now right next to her. He grabbed her small hand into his and she couldn't help but turn to meet his gaze. "I want that one person to be you, Hermione. I love you with all my heart and soul. You're my everything. You're my sun, my stars, my sky. You make me who I am and I am a better person when I am with you. I love you Hermione Granger and there is nothing, and I mean nothing, in this world that can change the way I feel."
Hermione was crying hard now. She didn't know what to say, but she did have a question. "Well, why did you turn me away the other day and tell me you didn't love me?"
Harry sighed a little, but squeezed Hermione's hand as he said, "Because I was scared. I was terrified of the fact that the one person who I cared about more than life itself actually cared about me just the same. I just didn't know how to react. I should have told you I loved you, but I didn't. I didn't know if I could live with the fact that I would loose you if things didn't work out. I couldn't live with myself it that happened."
Hermione reached up and touched Harry's cheek. He now had tears in his eyes and Hermione's heart swelled with love. "You will never loose me Harry, never!" Hermione then proceeded to pull him into a hug, which he gladly returned.
"I'll do anything to make this work Hermione. And I mean anything,"Harry said into Hermione's shoulders as they continued to embrace.
I know the shortest distance between two points is a straight line
But I'll climb any mountain that you want me to climb
The perfect combination is your heart and mine
Darlin' won't you give me a sign
"Harry," Hermione said as she pulled back from the embrace to look him in the eyes. "What about Lavender?"
Harry looked at her and smiled. "I told her that I just didn't think we were meant to be and that my heart already lies with someone else."
"How did you know I would be up here?" Hermione asked.
"Well, I know you come here on your rounds and I just came up here and waited."
Hermione's smile grew and she said, "So you missed the dance for me?"
"I would miss anything for you," Harry answered. Hermione couldn't take it anymore. She closed the distance between their lips and they met for the first time. Hermione could have sworn she saw stars at that moment. She felt as if she had just exploded from within and her body seemed to lift off the ground itself.
When they broke apart Hermione smiled and said, "My light has just now been rekindled."
Harry looked at her and shook his head, "No Hermione, it never went out in the first place. I was just too stupid to try and walk in the dark, rather then let you guide my way. But I won't do that anymore, I don't want to get lost again. I always want you to be by my side."
Hermione smiled again and said, "Oh, you can't get rid of me easily!" Harry leaned down and gave her another kiss. "Merry Christmas, Harry!"
"Merry Christmas, my love!" Harry answered.
And that night, people around the world could have sworn that the stars seemed to shine just a little brighter.
How do I get there from here
How do I make you see
How do I tell you what my heart's been tellin' me
Lost in your lovin' arms
that's where I want to be
You know I love you
How do I get there
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Story Re-Edited on October 15, 2007